26. On Aging.
Turning 40 and putting all my eggs in the fashion basket.
I have always thought of aging as such an abstract phenomenon. Obviously it’s not, rather the opposite actually – years passing and us getting older. But I have had a tricky time relating to this whole idea that certain ages somehow equal an expected lifestyle, a collective ideal for each period in life. If I ever came close to being a rebel in this lifetime it’s definitely related to this. The careless child, the experimental teenager, the responsible grown-up, the perfect wife/mum/hostess/cook…all these parts that we are expected to play in certain times of our lives… don’t you sometimes feel it’s all a big charade? As a child, I craved alone time and reflection, as a teenager I was heavily focused on school and weekend work without any interest in experimental living and now, as a grown up, I want to live as free and spontaneous as I possibly can. It’s like I did it all in reverse. I keep thinking about the Bob Dylan song My Back Pages where he goes “Oh but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now” – nothing has ever summarised my inner life better.
Being a child that was heavily engaged in day dreaming and constantly navigating a (far too) rich inner life, my perceived reality has always felt dominant over real life. I have in many ways lived a life consumed and guided by how I feel on the inside, rather than being led by what I am expected to be. This mentality, combined with the feeling of mentally growing younger and younger each year, results in absolutely zero anxiety when I now turn 40 in a week. Because I am and you know what? It feels exciting and beautiful. I feel blessed to still be here, fully functional and highly engaged in life. With that said, female ageing, in the time of social media, filters and injections, is a slippery slope. Although my values are firmly anchored in myself, I constantly need to make sure I don’t go off track. I guess you can all relate. It happens so easily. Being a person who talks with my entire face, maybe I should get my forehead fixed? The wrinkles are starting to go quite deep now… Or the lines running down my nose? They really make me look sad… Obviously these things are on my mind, daily.
However, I have decided to go to war against the perfect female ideal of today.
As you can expect, it’s a constant battle against outside artillery as well as inside Trojan horses. In this battle, the one for my own truth, I find it helpful to define a toolbox of supportive means – things that help me keep a steady course. Below is my list of talismans that protect me from faltering.
Visualisation of an alternative beauty ideal.
Yeah yeah I know, a designer that loves a mood board... But let me tell you, there are few things more efficient when it comes to staying on track. Having a visual representation of what beauty means to me makes the entire difference. I have a folder on Pinterest as well as on Instagram where I save inspiration for my personal style – aging just happens to be part of it. Because aging can be extremely chic, don’t you agree? The key in my book is to, as per usual, focus on dressing amazingly and feeling great. Having a strong point of view and dressing fabulously balances whatever wrinkles and loose skin you might have going on. It will always be, again; in my book, more interesting to have great style, than to have a perfectly sculpted face. In a utopia I would naturally have both, but that is not the reality of things. So, when social media feeds occasionally blur my mind, I browse through my folders. This immediately puts me back on track.
There is also a shift in age amongst fashion models right now. Brands like Chanel, Bottega and Tom Ford have included visibly older models in their latest shows and I have to say it all feels refreshingly modern. It’s most definitely a revolt against the last decade’s ageless sameness – a message saying let’s bring back personality and character. This new “come as you are” approach aligns perfectly with me entering my forties and even if I have always liked the idea of me getting older, I will gladly accept any help on the way. Lord knows a girl needs it.
Grey hair.
My hair has always been a struggle for me. Naturally very curly I have spent a lifetime trying to tame it. But somehow the grey hair, which appeared in my early thirties, never bothered me. I haven’t coloured my hair since I was in my teens and I nonchalantly cut it myself once every half year with the kitchen scissors – my husband kindly helping to correct the worst in the back, bless his heart. Maybe my forties are when I give in completely, keeping it both grey AND curly? I sense a personal resolution coming…well, time will tell. Anyway I long for the time when my hair will be completely transformed, praying I will be one of the lucky ones having it turn all white. The beauty!
Skincare but no injections (for me).
I’m not against injections or plastic surgery by any means. I praise women’s freedom to choose for themselves and doing whatever makes them feel great about themselves. Hell, I even tried botox once and loved it! However, as tempting as it is, and believe me it truly is from time to time, I stay away from having work done to my appearance. Mainly due to two things. 1) I want to try to celebrate my own evolution of beauty, at any age. This mindset makes me feel grounded and connected to some sort of personal authenticity. 2) I don’t like the idea of opening (a very expensive) door and not being able to close it again. I know you can quit at any time, but honestly would I ever want to once getting into it? It simply makes me feel claustrophobic having too many routines and expenses to uphold. I want as little as possible to maintain, in general in life, to be able to feel free. I find it much more fun to spend that money on an amazing suit, an artwork or a beautiful pair of shoes. That said, I am obsessed with skincare and take any chance at exfoliating and hydrating my skin to maintain a healthy glow. Swings and roundabouts one might think and yes, you're obviously right. But it’s about living one’s own personal truth right? And this is mine.
Jewellery.
My grandma always put on jewellery before “going out to meet the world” – every morning the same procedure: earrings, necklace and all her rings. She was beautiful. To me, jewellery is becoming more and more important as I age. I see it as a way to adorn and celebrate oneself – decorating aging hands with the finest pieces one knows. Is there anything more charming? You know the stunning French or Italian women going to the beach in a fab swimsuit, silk headscarf and gold jewellery? That’s who I’m becoming.
Filling your life with meaning.
You know what I think is the most important thing in this whole mess of aging? Continuing to live a passionate and meaningful life. That thing right there simply makes you beautiful right off. And no, I don’t mean merely on the inside (although that weighs in of course). I mean actual physical beauty. It’s something about a full heart and inspired soul, sort of radiating from your body. You can see it in a person’s eyes, feel it in their presence. Add good sleeping habits and lots of laughter and you're basically 30 in my eyes. This is how I’m approaching the next decade of my life. And frankly I can’t wait!
I wish you a lovely Sunday.
Until next time,
x
//A
I often think how I miss interesting faces, and instinctively seek them out in the crowds- precicy because they're becoming increasingly rare. And almost always, an interesting face has had and interesting life - and that's the whole point of life, isn't it?
Grey hair is the coolest thing ever! And I agree that aging is extremely chic, especially if one has your approach 💖